MIA?

No, I haven't really been MIA for the last two weeks. But I haven't really felt like I could share my issues. Not because I couldn't type it out, more because it's so easy to share my successes, but sharing my struggles almost feels humiliating. Maybe that's why I got to where I was to begin with? I keep everything I can inside. I have no desire any more to share my pain with others because of such a sad struggle with friends that occurred in college. That's why I have been absent. But I am back. And I plan to share some of my struggles too.

The last two weeks have just been hard. I am transitioning to "normal" food. But I have this incredible guilt that has come with eating regular food. I am trying very hard to overcome this. I am terrified that people will look at me and think "she had surgery because she was so fat, and here she is, eating regular food." But here's the thing, I am eating normal food for NORMAL people. I am no longer eating with these crazy awful habits that got me where I was. I have eaten out with my husband MAYBE 4 times in the last 7 weeks. Lord have mercy, before I had days that it wasn't uncommon to eat out 4 times in one day! And the choices, they have changed tremendously. The bread that comes with almost every meal when you are eating at a restaurant, I don't touch it. Fried foods? Yea right. It's fish for me. I have tried chicken. I have tried shredded beef, but ended up eating a potato more, and taking it home to put in a blender. So anyways, where am I going with this? Ah yes. It's all in my head. No one is looking at me, no one is thinking anything about me. NO ONE IS JUDGING ME.

Now that said, these two weeks have been so hard on me. I haven't seen the scale move hardly at all. I know, I know, GET OFF THE SCALE! A tool of the devil, that damn thing is. So what's gone wrong? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I dropped 30 pounds in 5 weeks and my body just said "ENOUGH!" It needed a little time to relax. Those 2 weeks or so were still so demoralizing. I was so close to giving up. How do you give up though? YOU CAN'T EAT! So I got back up on the horse. I have signed up for a water aerobics course. I am diligently getting on my elliptical every day that I possibly can. I am making that effort. Which is what I have to do. Up until about a week ago, I allowed this pain in my stomach rule me. Yes, I still have some pain. No need to be medicated (or at least nearly never) but I move the wrong way while I am sleeping and I am done for 24 hours. I can't bend over. I can't pick my kids up. It's just awful. But it's finally getting better. Those events are fewer and farther between. So, I am pushing myself harder. Even with Seth home, I make sure that I work out. These were just two of my conversations just today with my little man:

Me: "Have mercy Seth! Your mom should NOT be running!"

Seth: "Why mom?"

Me: "Because I am just a little too chunky to be running. I am just no good at it!"

Seth: "Would you like me to show you how mom?"

I just had to laugh out loud at him. And PS, he did show me how later in the day! And then there was this one while I was exercising:

Seth: "Mom, are you almost done?"

Me: Panting and sweating like mad... "Yes Seth, 5 more minutes."

Seth: "And then what?"

Me: "And then...I might just pass out on the couch."

Seth: "Oh OK. Don't worry mom, I'll be OK!"

Really? I'm not worried about YOU! I'm not sure I am gonna make it to the couch! Now, that said, I work hard when I am with my kids exercising to explain to them WHY I need to exercise. I desperately want them to know WHY it's so important to exercise. I am not just doing this for me. I am also doing this so that I can learn how to raise my beautiful babies even better.

Well...I have more to talk about. I've been gone for two weeks. But this is getting long and Biggest Loser is getting good! So...I work ALL DAY tomorrow but I will return later in the week. I want to discuss my protein with y'all. I know there are other things I want to discuss too. And my goodness, there are pictures coming soon too! So, until later!