Two month pictures

So, as I am getting ready to do my THREE month pictures, I am finally posting my TWO month pictures. I just don't know where my time goes these days. My kids, my husband, ME. When you start demanding to have more ME time, time really does get away from you.

I have started a water aerobics course. Fun. Not really hard for me though. I love the water, I grew up in the water. It's just not that difficult for me. So, I continue to do my cardio on the eliptical and treadmill. Lots of people say to me "Isn't it just falling off!?!?" Meaning the weight of course. My answer: NO. I am working so hard at what I am doing. I am trying to be healthy and fit as well as lose the weight. It makes a difference. So I feel like I have deserved the 46-odd pounds that I have lost. I am 4 weeks out from my 4 month visit with my doctor. We shall see then how I am really doing!

Day Zero, ~30 days, and ~60 days Day zero, ~30 days, and ~60 days

MIA?

No, I haven't really been MIA for the last two weeks. But I haven't really felt like I could share my issues. Not because I couldn't type it out, more because it's so easy to share my successes, but sharing my struggles almost feels humiliating. Maybe that's why I got to where I was to begin with? I keep everything I can inside. I have no desire any more to share my pain with others because of such a sad struggle with friends that occurred in college. That's why I have been absent. But I am back. And I plan to share some of my struggles too.

The last two weeks have just been hard. I am transitioning to "normal" food. But I have this incredible guilt that has come with eating regular food. I am trying very hard to overcome this. I am terrified that people will look at me and think "she had surgery because she was so fat, and here she is, eating regular food." But here's the thing, I am eating normal food for NORMAL people. I am no longer eating with these crazy awful habits that got me where I was. I have eaten out with my husband MAYBE 4 times in the last 7 weeks. Lord have mercy, before I had days that it wasn't uncommon to eat out 4 times in one day! And the choices, they have changed tremendously. The bread that comes with almost every meal when you are eating at a restaurant, I don't touch it. Fried foods? Yea right. It's fish for me. I have tried chicken. I have tried shredded beef, but ended up eating a potato more, and taking it home to put in a blender. So anyways, where am I going with this? Ah yes. It's all in my head. No one is looking at me, no one is thinking anything about me. NO ONE IS JUDGING ME.

Now that said, these two weeks have been so hard on me. I haven't seen the scale move hardly at all. I know, I know, GET OFF THE SCALE! A tool of the devil, that damn thing is. So what's gone wrong? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I dropped 30 pounds in 5 weeks and my body just said "ENOUGH!" It needed a little time to relax. Those 2 weeks or so were still so demoralizing. I was so close to giving up. How do you give up though? YOU CAN'T EAT! So I got back up on the horse. I have signed up for a water aerobics course. I am diligently getting on my elliptical every day that I possibly can. I am making that effort. Which is what I have to do. Up until about a week ago, I allowed this pain in my stomach rule me. Yes, I still have some pain. No need to be medicated (or at least nearly never) but I move the wrong way while I am sleeping and I am done for 24 hours. I can't bend over. I can't pick my kids up. It's just awful. But it's finally getting better. Those events are fewer and farther between. So, I am pushing myself harder. Even with Seth home, I make sure that I work out. These were just two of my conversations just today with my little man:

Me: "Have mercy Seth! Your mom should NOT be running!"

Seth: "Why mom?"

Me: "Because I am just a little too chunky to be running. I am just no good at it!"

Seth: "Would you like me to show you how mom?"

I just had to laugh out loud at him. And PS, he did show me how later in the day! And then there was this one while I was exercising:

Seth: "Mom, are you almost done?"

Me: Panting and sweating like mad... "Yes Seth, 5 more minutes."

Seth: "And then what?"

Me: "And then...I might just pass out on the couch."

Seth: "Oh OK. Don't worry mom, I'll be OK!"

Really? I'm not worried about YOU! I'm not sure I am gonna make it to the couch! Now, that said, I work hard when I am with my kids exercising to explain to them WHY I need to exercise. I desperately want them to know WHY it's so important to exercise. I am not just doing this for me. I am also doing this so that I can learn how to raise my beautiful babies even better.

Well...I have more to talk about. I've been gone for two weeks. But this is getting long and Biggest Loser is getting good! So...I work ALL DAY tomorrow but I will return later in the week. I want to discuss my protein with y'all. I know there are other things I want to discuss too. And my goodness, there are pictures coming soon too! So, until later!

One Month Pictures

I know I know, these are a little late coming. I apologize. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled to take these pictures. It's really hard to look at these pictures and even see weight loss anyways. It's been thirty pounds but it's hard to see that when the long term is eighty more. I'm not feeling the happiest in general today. I am sorry for the negativity. I'll stop here and shoot for happier tomorrow!

I notice it mostly in my face...I'm sure more will come!

30 Days Post-Op

Today, 5/4/11, is officially my 30 day mark. I followed up with the ever so handsome Dr Chris Evanson today. It should be outlawed to have a bariatric surgeon with his good looks. The man walks into my room with these white pants on with a light green long sleeved shirt. He has a slightly unkempt look to him that is just HOT. Seriously, this dude has seen me naked. I really find this unfair. But anyways, he tells me that officially I have lost TWENTY-SIX pounds!! HALLELUJAH! How exciting is this! I couldn't believe it. He also tells me that he thinks I look great and he can already see a difference. He looks forward to seeing me again and that by my next appointment (in 3 months) I should be below 200 pounds. Just in awe of this man. I left on cloud 9 completely forgetting to ask all the questions I had.

He did answer one question for me that I didn't even ask. I have been having problems tolerating my new food plan. Basically it just means that I am not tolerating solid foods very well. He told me today that he makes all of his pouches extra small. This means that while the food plans say that with each meal I am to eat TWO ounces of food, I have to cut that number in half from here on out. WOW. THAT EXPLAINS A LOT! No wonder I was having so much pain when I was done eating! So now that I know this, I expect that this will be so much easier! Dr Evanson said he does this because it actually lead to better success in the long term. The pouch will only stretch to 4 ounces or so versus the 7 ounces a slightly bigger pouch will stretch to. I can deal. I am still so super happy about my success to date. I am thrilled with my choice of doctors and I love all the support I've surrounded myself with. I plan to get a picture tonight so I have my official 30 post op pic. I will post it soon too!

My latest discovery.

I know, only been a few days, but a lot can happen in those few days! I'm still hovering around that 15ish pounds lost mark. But feel GREAT!! I am having loads of fun and learning a thing or two along the way. I've had a couple people reach out to me privately about their own struggles and debates with weight loss surgery. I am so happy you've shared your own struggles with me. I hope through my journey, I can help others who are also struggling. Weight struggles can determine everything about your daily life and routine and it's unbelievable. It consumes your life. I want to help in any way I can and maybe even follow friends who are considering surgery on their own weight loss journey!

I attended my 3rd support group on Monday. What a great group of people. I really enjoy these meetings. I have sat with the same couple every week I have gone. This week they walked in, saw me and immediately asked how I was doing and how everything was going. I couldn't have felt better. Here are these people who have met me twice and yet I really feel like they care. We have been through the same thing. It's so easy to talk those that have been there, done that. It was nice. It was a productive meeting. Lots of newbies and lots of good conversation. I was super happy walking away from group that night.

Tuesday, well now, there was another day. I had a rough one. Now I am sure this happens to many at some point, but I was so upset with myself... Molly and I were shopping at BuyBuy Baby and I always let her stand in the cart. I am always next to her. Many times with a hand on her or through a belt loop or something. I really am super conscious about how dangerous this is. But I turned a corner and something caught my eye:

I reached for it,turned to put it in the cart and she was already over the front of the cart. SLLOOOWWW motion as I can't grab her and she flips onto her head and fall on to her back and just wails. For those of you that have heard that wail, now think deeper. She actually had a deep screaming quality to this cry. She was petrified. I snatched her up and we went to the glider rocker section and rocked for more than twenty minutes. Talk about feeling awful. So further my day, I had a really nasty night at work, between customers and WWIII at work it was just miserable. For the first time in a long time, I came home and vented to my darling husband. He tried to make me feel better. But here's what I saw: My husband standing in front of me, eating dessert breadstix from Donatos, a half of a large pizza still sitting on the stove and regular breadstix next to that. I was OK. Until I was done venting. Then it was just like my world crashed in around me. I wanted ALL that food and I wanted it NOW. I spun on my husband and was just so upset. "ARE YOU DONE WITH THIS PIZZA? IF YOU'RE DONE IT NEEDS TO BE OFF THIS COUNTER OR I WILL TAKE IT OFF THIS COUNTER! " It was ugly to say the least. I realized then that I am a stress eater. Holy cow. I didn't realize how much of a stress eater I was until all of that came over me. It was bad. But now I know. I mean I REALLY know and hope that I can take this lesson forward and make it work for me instead of against me as it has for so many years. :)

This and the picture above are my latest tools in my journey. The little carrying case I had around my house. I used it to carry bottles and jars of food from place to place when Molly was just a little one. It just happened to be sitting in the corner of my kitchen, caught my eye, and I thought DUH! What an easy way to keep my food and shakes cool when I am in transit. Then I bought the little pods because they are reusable and easy to put in said carrying container. :) The round once don't fit as nicely. They all work, don't get me wrong. I am sure I will find more uses for this stuff in the future anyways!

I am super happy as I sit here typing this out. Why? I am eating a hard boiled egg. Ahhh. Heaven. My first in a long time and it's delicious. Seriously it's amazing how much you actually TASTE when you can only eat an ounce or two!! So long for now folks! Hope the weekend treats you right!

Resurrection of the Bella Band

So it's the beginning of week FOUR! Wow. I can't believe that exactly 3 weeks ago I had this surgery and that I have lost over 14 pounds already. My true goal is to make it to twenty pounds lost by my 1 month doctor appointment (5/4/11). I have felt generally successful these last few days. I have ventured just a little out of my required diet: I had a meatball at small group the other night. Yes, ONE meatball. It still took me twenty minutes to eat the one meatball but I loved it and in general, I think I did great with it!

So with the loss of these almost 15ish pounds, I have a pair of pants that I love that are only gonna last MAYBE another two weeks. I don't think that I can continue to put them on after that. I did however have an ingenious idea yesterday before Easter with the fam. I pulled out my Bella Band. Now, any of you that have been pregnant in the last five years know exactly what a Bella Band does for the burgeoning figure of a pregnant woman. You are able to make your "skinny" jeans last a few weeks longer and it smooths out all those unsightly bulges (OK that's why I wore it anyways). It allows you to wear your jeans unbuttoned until you just can't put them on any longer. And they still stay up! SOOO....I pulled out my Bella Band in hopes that it would work in the reverse order also. I have my jeans buttoned, but boy do they sag! So it helped to keep my jeans that aren't gonna make it much longer stay up the entire afternoon. I didn't have to worry about them at all. It was heaven. Now I just need to find my regular Bella Bands instead of my plus sized ones. I can only imagine how much those will help!

Thanks again for everyone that has reached out giving me support. You have no idea how much that means to me. I love hearing from people that I haven't seen for a while and know that you are rooting for me too! Until next time! Have a great day!

Another Peak

This will be more about pictures I suppose than anything else. I am two weeks post surgery as of today 4/18/11. YAY!! Super excited to be here. I did call my doctor today though. I was concerned about some pain that I am still having in 1 (of 6) incision sites. I couldn't sit up in bed if my life depended on it. Well maybe if my life depended on it, but you get the idea; it HURTS! Since the other 5 incisions have all but healed I just couldn't believe that this was a good thing. Turns out, it's normal. I know that this incision site is where all the work was done and it just depends on how much prodding and maneuvering that was done as to how much pain is felt. They said to stay on my pain meds (SWEET) and to relax! OK doc. You're the boss.

I have lost a little over ten pounds to date. Not bad. I'm sure that two weeks post op my body is still healing and reeling from everything that has happened to date. I can't wait to see more fall off. I am already feeling great.

4/4/11 Morning of surgery

I have two more weeks of "pudding like" food. This just means that anything I eat must be the consistency of pudding. It's not too bad. I prepare everything in advance so I can just pull what I need for the day out of the fridge. I eat two ounces (4 tablespoonsful) of food at each meal. I rarely ever feel hunger of any kind. It's strange but nice. I have to remind myself to eat every meal.

This is a picture of my meals. These are 2 ounce containers. I fill them with 1 ounce (2 tablespoonsful) of food and choose two for each meal. This will be enough for me to eat 25 meals or for at least 8 days. That's if I choose to eat these for every meal. Some things I make on the spot (oatmeal mainly). These containers have refried beans, two kinds of potatoes, chocolate and vanilla pudding, applesauce, yogurt, and jell-o in them. I am getting used to my new way of eating. And amazingly enough, everything tastes wonderful. I guess it's because I eat so little! In two weeks, I move on to pureed food. Looking forward to that because then I can start back up on meat. Right now my primary source of protein comes from a protein shake of some kind. I mainly use a product called Unjury. It's unflavored so I can mix it with almost anything. I have to have at least 4 scoops of that per day though.

Hmm...I guess that's all for now. I will keep updating though! OK so I guess it was more than just pictures! ;)

A Look into My new Life

So I suppose I owe some of you an explanation. You're seeing things here and on facebook but haven't really been told what I did. So...here goes... On Monday April 4th I had gastric bypass surgery. Specifically I had the Roux-En-Y (RNY) procedure. Click here for a before and after of what the stomach would look like. I have struggled with my weight for YEARS (like since I was in 3rd grade) and never have I been able to get off enough weight to NOT be considered overweight or obese. I chose to NOT talk to many people about this surgery because it is absolutely astounding how many people feel it necessary to describe their father's sister-in-law's horrendous complications or even make comments to me about how I should just exercise and eat healthier. If I could exercise and eat healthier, don't you think I would weigh less than 252 pounds?! Good grief.

Many think I have chosen the "easy way" to lose weight. If you've never taken the journey with a person who has had weight loss surgery then please don't say this. I had pulmonary testing, EKGs, barium swallows, x-rays, blood work, and hours of classroom education before this surgery to prepare my mind and body for what was to come. I chose to allow my surgeon to operate on me in a very high risk scenario in order to save my life. I only spent 48 hours in the hospital. Those 48 hours were spent getting up every 2 hours around the clock to walk and prevent blood clots. Every hour I was breathing into a machine to verify that I wasn't leaking stomach contents into my abdomen or that I hadn't gotten pneumonia. I wear a tight fitting binder around my abdomen to keep the six incisions from straining and getting infected. I shouldn't pick up my kids for the next for weeks. I give myself shots to thin my blood and prevent blood clots. I eat with a baby spoon and drink from a sippy cup. My stomach now holds 2 ounces (60ml). I have to eat 2 ounces of food over 30 minutes to prevent nausea and vomiting. I drink protein shakes all day every day. I will lose my hair. I take 7 different medicines throughout the day to prevent ulcers and vitamin deficiencies. I am NOT complaining. I have been given a second chance at life. I am actually finding that I enjoy some things (oatmeal) way more than I thought possible. But it's not easy. I still make dinner for my family every night. I still order pizza for them when I don't want to cook. My husband still brings home my favorite breakfast. THEIR lives haven't changed (much). I can't imagine any one thinking that I took the easy way out. I am so excited for the months to come and to see how my life will continue to change.

I'm asking for support, not stories of failure or negative opinions.

Lesson Learned

I am only 3 days post op but my husband and I shared a moment when I realized I was measuring all of my food wrong. I had measured all of my food into 1/2 ounce servings instead of 1 ounce servings. I didn't even realize that I had done this until after dinner when I was chatting with my neighbors about it. It just hit me that I wasn't eating enough and it was my own fault!! I told my husband about my error and he replied that he thought the servings seemed a little small...I was so mad at myself. I was getting so frustrated because I still had all this hunger. I went through this surgery and I still have this crazy hunger?!?!? I was so relieved when I realized what I had done. I went inside and immediately ate some more mashed potatoes....MMMM better now. I fixed my servings this morning and wow do I feel better. Lesson learned, wait for the drug fog to clear before preparing anything for yourself!

My Brand New Life

Tomorrow is the first day of MY brand new life. I can only compare it to the day before my scheduled induction of my first born. Nerves, excitement, giddiness. Wow. I chose to work today. I figured a full eight hours of work would keep my mind out of the pantry. Tonight my husband and I will do my before pictures, back my bags, and finish preparing my kitchen. My vitamins are waiting for me and my new beverage bottle is waiting to be used. I think I'm prepared. But again, just like the birth of your first child, you can't ever truly be prepared! What an amazing journey this will be and I am so excited to start! So long for now!

Jeff is HOME!

Jeff came home on Monday afternoon. We were super excited to see him. Molly was unable to go to the airport to pick him up but we still had an exciting homecoming. I had a photographer offer to come with us to the airport to photograph Jeff's homecoming. I was super glad for that. She even came to the house afterward to catch Jeff's first few moments with Molly. I will hopefully post those pictures before too long.
Seth LOVES having his daddy home. He talks to him constantly and loves to play and rough house with him. Jeff took him to Bouncertown on Wednesday and the Children's Museum today. They both have so much fun! Jeff has also been able to check off many of his favorite eateries while he's been home too. My favorite was PF Chang's last night!! :) We've just had a nice time being a family again!

Daddy relaxing with BOTH of his babies for the first time!

Seth, 4 days before Daddy left for Afghanistan.

Seth, the day Daddy came home for R&R

Molly helping with laundry. She's much more fun to look at than the white walls!

She's learning to roll over...the only problem is she doesn't like her belly!

Sharing Daddy's breakfast juice! She just loves her daddy!

Molly's Fight With RSV

Two weeks ago, Molly really started giving me fits. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping she was moody (taste of my own medicine, I know), in general, this was NOT my sweet little Molly Grace. I had decided to take her to the doctor and then magically, she seemed to get better. For the weekend. She went downhill again and by Friday, I HAD to take her in. She was now coughing and by the time I picked her up at daycare, she had a fever. We got to the doctor and they immediately gave her an albuterol treatment. Dr Joe watched her for a bit and decided that she really was breathing too hard, too fast and generally working to breathe too much. She was gonna wear out before long. He gave me the option to keep her and see how she did through the night. BUT I had to give her every four hour neb treatments. I just sat there...babies are notorious for getting worse at night, I have a two year old at home, I have three dogs at home, I already know that the two people that ALWAYS help me have plans for the weekend, and I am so wore out...I can't do this by myself. So we admitted her. Thank God we admitted her. She did get worse that evening and the following morning and it would have been an emergency situation for me if I had her at home. She was fighting a fever that kept climbing, a heart rate that wouldn't slow down, and STILL fighting to breathe. We had great RTs available to us and wonderful nurses watching her constantly though. She pulled through and thankfully we were able to remain at St Francis instead of going to Riley. I was worried...By Sunday she was doing even better, the steroids were working and she wasn't requiring nebulizer treatments as often. Dr Joe KNEW Jeff was coming home on Monday and by Monday morning he was comfortable enough to send her home to meet her daddy!! Hospitalizations are not fun, but I am sure thankful for them, great nurses, great RTs, and great insurance!

A Better 2010

Life here in the KP house is finally getting a little better. Molly is doing so well! The only signs she shows of her sensory disorder is that she still struggles a little to eat well at daycare. She fusses a lot a doesn't tolerate the faster nipples that we use at home. So, at daycare she uses the slower nipples and sometimes just doesn't eat as much! She sure does make up for it at home! She is a champion eater at home and is sleeping through the night for me too! At Molly's four month appointment she weighed in at a whopping 12 pounds 12 ounces and is 24.75 inches long! She's a little petite thing but she's growing! I have taken her footprints 3 times now and they haven't changed hardly at all! They aren't getting any longer, just a little wider!

Seth is doing wonderful. After a great two year check up (he's 29 lbs and right at 35 inches I think), he contracted what we believe was the rotavirus. BAD BAD stomach bug. When my doctor said it could last up to 10 days, I was hoping we could get off easy. No such luck. Seth stopped eating the Sunday prior to Christmas and didn't start eating (and keeping anything down) until the Sunday after Christmas. We spent nearly 8 days watching him vomit and not eat. Not only that, but Mom and Doug both got it as did I. Molly got it too but she didn't have it nearly as bad as the rest of us (Thank God!). But Seth is so much better now, and he is pretty much back to his normal antics! And he has even used the potty twice now! YAY! Still not sure I am ready to start training though!

As for me. I'm hanging in there. The stomach bug that I contracted from Seth caused the abscess that was almost totally healed to become re-infected. I had to have surgery again (I'll spare you those horrid details!) and because of said horrid details, I will have to have a third surgery to repair everything once all infection is gone. It's been a truly crazy 6 months or so without my husband!

Speaking of my wonderful husband, he gets to come home so very soon! Somewhere around 45 days left! I don't do an exact count because well, things just never seem to go the way we expect them anymore. I am hoping that he will get the chance to see his friends and spend time with his family while he is home. I also hope to get some wonderful family portraits done while he's home too! I haven't had any done in nearly two years! We need an update!

Otherwise...all seems to be well in the KP household...crossing our fingers that it stays that way! Till next time folks!

Seth and Mommy's sunglasses.
He's completely intrigued by them!



Mom, do you REALLY think I am ready for this?



Oh that precious face!



A boy and his best friend!

Santa Bring My Soldier Home

I made a video for my husband for Christmas.
I loved doing it and had a lot of fun.
Hope you like it too!

Life Goes On

Today, Molly had another OT appointment. At this particular appointment, I sat with Pat and discussed Molly's issues in depth. What she has is called sensory defensiveness, meaning she is over aware of things in her environment and responds at lower thresholds than others in her age group. She has problems specific to the tactile and auditory senses. She fails miserably in situations with lots of noise (i.e. the mall or small areas with several children) AND she has a hard time with touch. She wakes easily when moved from one position to the next, she is over aware of people or things touching her etc. We are currently using massage therapy to calm her sympathetic nervous system and we also started using brush therapy this week. I was warned though that brush therapy is usually for older children and Molly may not tolerate at all. Brush therapy involves taking a surgery scrub brush and "brushing" different areas of her body. We tried her back, legs and hands today. She didn't tolerate her legs or hands at all so for now, we are working solely on the back. I spoke to Pat about Molly's future and how she may do in school or socially. After talking about this, I realized something...Molly truly is just like me. One thing we talked about is Molly will probably be a child who, in a group of kids, has a tendency to sit on the outside to help keep herself together. I always called it shy in my time but I completely understand this now. These sensory issues may also lead to anxiety later in life...something I have found myself having issues with as I have gotten older. I have learned to deal with my own issues in my own ways without even realizing what they were. This realization today just made me feel better about Molly and her future. I mean, most people think I am normal right? ;)

On another note, Seth got to move back to the puppy room at school! This was super exciting. I love the teachers he had in the piglet room, but I just really felt like he was too far ahead of the other kids in that room. He was the oldest and developmentally was just so far ahead that I had stopped seeing such rapid progress in him. So, a spot opened in the puppy room and we moved this week! He's really enjoying it. We are also going through paci withdrawal. I have taken the paci away except for at sleep times. That is also improving. The beginning of the week was awful! He cried and wined the entire evening to have his paci. We finally told him that his pumpkin stole it. This left him in awe long enough for us to get to Cracker Barrel. By then he was too preoccupied with everything there to care! Today, I think he only asked for it twice. It was nice. He has also started playing his version of Marco, Polo with me. If I have managed to slip into another room and he doesn't see me go, he yells out "MAMA!" I respond with "BABY!" which makes him giggle and he repeats himself. This goes on until he finds me, or tires of hollering through the house.

It looks as though I don't go back to work until December 1st. I had wanted to go back a little earlier as a part timer, but CVS will take away my benefits if I go to part time so I had to take the ENTIRE leave...so sad really. I do miss my store though. I miss my job and will be super excited to go back. I just hope that everyone gets smart and shapes up before I get back or I might have to pull out my can of whoop-a**!

Anyways...that's life at the KP household right now. Hectic in the evenings...don't be offended if you call and I don't answer! One or both of my children are usually crying!

Seth, The Big Brother

So I always post these pictures of Seth kissing, hugging or just giving something to Molly. I really don't encourage this, ask him to do this or anything like that. He just does it. He asks for her when he gets up and he watches her while she sleeps. He is just so funny.

With that as my preface:

This morning, Seth awoke before Molly. When Molly woke up, I told Seth I had to go get her ready for the day and would be upstairs. Soon after, I hear Seth pounding up the stairs. He comes into the room and asks for Molly. She was still quietly lying in bed and that's what I told him. He motioned to the bed so I picked him up to show him where she was. He wanted to get in the bed so I let him.

I moved Molly a little to one side and let Seth play. I hear him turn her glowworm on, and I hear him talking to her. Nothing new or crazy. I look in and he is lying next to her and talking to her and she is intently watching him.

He then stands up and sees a book on the floor and asks for it. I give it to him and he says to me "I read to Molly" in his little Seth voice. This is the VERY FIRST SENTENCE I have ever heard Seth speak and readily understood it. I about fell over! It was just so cute. I wish that I had grabbed my camcorder instead of my camera, but I still got some cute pictures of the two of them! I think that Molly couldn't ask for a better big brother!

A Molly Update

First of all, I apologize for not getting an update on Molly up sooner. We got to come home on Friday afternoon and things were a little rough getting settled back in at home. It was almost like bringing a newborn home for the first time again. Lots of crying, little sleep, and lots of learning all new techniques. So here's how our weekend progressed...

On Thursday evening, we saw OT again and learned some massage techniques to help soothe Molly and hopefully get her nervous system jump started. She's very touchy and there are so many things that startle her or make her upset. They say it's because her nervous system is so new that we just have to train it to accept these things without freaking out! Friday morning, Dr Wolf arrived and loved what he was seeing. He was definately convinced that we were making progress. We had the formula down, we had the feeding down, and we were already scheduled for out-patient OT to start on Tuesday. OT came in one more time and she was again impressed with what she was seeing. Molly has her own exercises we have to do (i.e. sit-ups and ab crunches...) and she was already showing improvement in her abdomnial strength. So once they left, we were set free!

We came home only to have to master all the new sounds and lights of our house. That made the weekend a little rough. Seth wanted mom and only mom and Molly just cried all weekend. She was fine in the night and slept in her own bed! I couldn't ask for anything more in that department. Now both my babies begin their nocturnal slumber in their own beds. By Sunday evening, my parents had left and my best friend was with me for the evening. It was a rough evening to begin end because Molly was very needy BUT we got through it and actually survived the night!

Molly had her follow-up appointment today and she was up to 8 lbs 3.2 oz (from 7lbs 15.07 oz on Friday @ 2am)!! YAY! We are definately on the right track. She had her first outfit that DIDN'T fit her today, of course it was an "up to 7lbs" onsie but I'll take it! She is doing wonderful. We have fallen back into our "routine" and Seth is having a WONDERFUL Monday night. So all is well as I right this!

To those of you that have offered to bring meals...thank you so much! I would absolutely appreciate that. I can only imagine that Seth is tired of hot dogs and grilled cheese! I never thought I would NEED something like that, but at this point, I really do need my friends and family! Last week, I really felt like my spirit was broken. I really felt like maybe I couldn't do this after all. The weekend came and Molly seemed so unhappy and I just couldn't get to feeling like myself again. But we are turning that corner and things seem to be getting better. Hopefully when First Steps comes in we will make even more progress! Thank you all so much for everything that you have given to us, be it prayers, words of encouragement or meals! I can't thank you enough and tell you how it has helped me to get through this. Now...on to MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!

Seth really is a happy boy I swear!

Molly dreaming!

I'm 4 weeks old today!! 8lbs 3.2 oz!

Molly's OT Consult

This morning when Dr Wolf came in to see Molly he said she looked great! YAY! She had gained 70 grams in 24 hours and we seemed to have turned that corner. The last hurdle we had was to get an OT (occupational therapy) consult and get their OK to be able to go home. Boy, I was so excited! I started packing up and getting ready to leave and I was super happy that I would get to spend the evening with Seth Daniel! My day was looking bright.

Then OT came. :) They ran just a little later than we had anticipated because the consultant works evenings on Thursdays so she was finally here for Molly's 3pm feed. She did an assessment of Molly and then wanted to watch me feed her. Molly's assessment went relatively well. She said that because Molly was born two weeks early, she was going to consider her an almost 2 week old instead of a 1 month old. Based on that, she stated our best case scenario is Molly is developmentally ahead of the game. Our worst case scenario is Molly is right on track.

She then wanted to watch me feed Molly. Talk about feeling like you as a mother are being scrutinized! But that's what we did. And Molly showed her colors at that point. She struggled with her feed. She would fuss, cry and shake her arms. She curled into a fetal position and pushed the nipple from her mouth. All these things started to concern the OT gal. She started asking more and more questions and the more she talked the more things started to unravel. We realized that Molly may have a sensory issue. She may get overstimulated at times which is interrupting her feeding. AND she seems to still struggle with actually taking a bottle. This hasn't gotten to the point that we have to find other ways to feed her by any means, just that we have to find ways to help her learn to take a bottle more effectively.

So, right now the OT gal wants to watch a couple more feedings and to be here to teach us some massage techniques and other things that I can't remember right now because my head is swimming and my heart is hurting. I was oober excited to go home and be with my son for an evening but we are gonna have to be away one more night. I am excited to learn different ways to help Molly feel comfortable and in control of herself. It was recommended that we swaddle her with each feed as that helps her to gain control and be "organized" as the OT gal put it. We are going to have therapists come to the house and watch her feed every week or every other week. They are going to help us learn new techniques and to help identify items in the house that might be over stimulating (ie our DOGS! :) ). We are also being scheduled to be seen in the out patient peds clinic until First Steps starts coming to the house.

WOW...this just seems like so much for a little 3 week old that isn't eating up to par! But whatever works to make life great for all of us is absolutely what we'll be doing. I am super thankful for my family and all my friends and all the thoughts and prayers being said for us. I really can't thank all of you enough for being there and just letting me know you are thinking about my family. It definitely helps to keep me strong! THANKS SO MUCH!

Molly all snug as a bug and swaddle after a relatively successful feed with the OT gal.

Molly's Hospitalization

I know there are many of you out there thinking about us and praying for us, so I want to actually give some information on what's happening with Molly.

On Tuesday, Molly had an appointment with Dr Joe to just have her weight check. At her 2 week appointment, Dr Joe noticed that, while she was gaining weight, it wasn't as fast as was to be expected. So we returned and after a small debacle with the scale, Dr Joe was summoned to come talk to us. He came in, carefully checked Molly over and started the conversation with me. He stated that Molly had gain less that 2oz over the 7 day period and we should have seen somewhere around an ounce per day. He had two options: he trusted to send me home with Molly and work extra hard to get the calories into her and see us again in 2 days or we admit her to be followed in the hospital. The admission would include dietary consults, lab work and I/Os to evaluate Molly and ensure there was nothing PHYSICALLY wrong with her. I stated that I wanted what was best and he said hospitalization was the best. The terror in my eyes must have shown, because as he sent me out with our orders, he stated that it would be OK and that some little ones just need that jump start.

So off we went to St Francis South with our "Failure to Thrive" diagnosis and no real idea of how long we may be here. On Tuesday, Molly was evaluated by everyone that walked by and lots of questions were asked. We went over everything all over again with everyone and finally things settled down and we settled in for the day. Around 2pm Molly was taken to the treatment room to have blood drawn from her beautiful little scalp. She had to be poked twice to get the required blood but she was a trooper. She did wonderful. The first day we were here, we spent the day ensuring that Molly ate EVERY 3 HOURS without exception and we tried our best to get her 3 oz. THAT has been easier said than done. She just doesn't have the belly to do it. Our sweet sweet dietitian came to speak with us around 4 and went over all our options and the different ways we could fortify her formula if needed.

By Wednesday morning, she had gained no weight at all and Dr Wolf (Dr Joe's partner) had done his evaluation and decided it was time to change her formula to a 22cal formula (regular is 20cal). She was switched to that and she just hasn't been able to keep her feeds down. She hasn't been able to take even close to 3 ounces (2oz has sometimes tested her little belly) and 95% of the time she vomits lots of this back up. By evening, Molly was showing signs of having lots of bowel discomfort (gas mostly I think) and I asked for some Mylicon drops. Our nurse, Lindsey, called Dr Wolf and spoke to him about it and we were given the OK to give the drops. She must have given him lots more info about our day because when she came back in she stated that he wanted to change the formula again. Now we are back to the Gentlease formula and they are going to mix it to 22 cal and we are going to try our first feed of that around 11:30pm.

Seth seems to be tolerating all this OK. I picked him up from school on Tuesday to let him know what was going on and took him home to Gamma KP and they had a good night. My mom has been staying with him at night. She said he woke up this morning, asked for Ice Age (his fave movie right now) and then asked for Sissy. He always kisses or hugs her in the morning so he was missing his morning lovin'. Today we kept him home and took him to our library to see a fire truck and to play. I went with him and took him to lunch. I came back home in the evening to have dinner with him and to go through his bedtime routine with him. I am trying to make sure I spend time with him so he doesn't feel neglected. It's so super hard though. When I am with Molly all I think about is Seth and I feel guilty for not being with him. But when I am with him, I stress over Molly and her feeds and I feel guilty for not being at the hospital. My goal is to ensure that I am always at the hospital for Molly's rounding doctors and for the dietitian. I am going to try to make sure I am with Seth for bedtime routine and any other time I may be able to get away. It's a good thing I have great family here helping me or this would be terrible!

Lots of information there but I know many of you would like to be kept updated about Molly. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers and I will try to post a little something everyday to make sure those of you who want to know get the information.

Molly's Birth Story

OK, so I know this is a little late in posting but it seems as though I have some time on my hands right now! So, I am going to catch up on some blogging.

On Sunday, August 23 I went to work as scheduled. I was tired and wore out and waddling like no other! I had a craving for buffalo hot wings so we put in an order and the day went on fairly normally. Went home to my son and went on about our evening. Got to bed around 10 that night and woke up around 1am for an unknown reason. After lying in bed for a while I realized my back was sore. This wasn't really anything new to me, after all I was 38 weeks pregnant and could hardly change positions in my sleep to begin with! After about an hour, Seth woke up so I got him, brought him back to my bed and snuggled with him.

Somewhere around 3am I realized that every time I finally started to doze off SOMETHING was waking me back up. So I sat for a few minutes only to start feeling the muscle spasms in my back. They were consistent and coming frequently so I got up and started down the stairs to time the beasties. They were coming every 2 to 4 minutes! GREAT! It's 3:30am and I am in active labor. So I start my phone calls: my mom, MIL and my MD. We made it to the hospital around five after 5 and were immediately taken back to triage. I had to have an ultrasound there because we still weren't convinced that Molly was head down. She was and I was checked and at 6cm already. I was begging for pain medicine and they rushed me out of that room to labor and delivery.

By 6:30am I finally had my epidural. Thank you anesthesiologist! I was checked a second time and had progressed to 9cm. The nurse started running around to prepare things (no one really had time to get anything together, it was just going so fast!) and my physician came in to check things out. He had to get a change of clothes so he left again and I started to get VERY uncomfortable. Little did I know that was the whole "I NEED TO PUSH!!" feeling. Had I realized that and pushed...it wouldn't have been good. My doctor came back by 7:50 and broke my water. There was meconium. So again the NICU team was called in for my delivery. I pushed once and looked down to see Molly's head crowning, I pushed again and Molly was completely out! She came SO FAST! She was given to the NICU team and was given beautiful stats. I, on the other hand, needed some work. After 45 minutes of repair work (when babies come that fast, your body just isn't ready!), I was finally able to sit up and hold my new bundle! She was amazing to look at! I just can't wait to do it all again!!